When you can't control what is happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what is happening! Have you heard this saying before?
I have heard it a lot and teach it....and I have to say that over the past few days I have been struggling with responding when I just want to react!!
I know that I am supposed to "lead by example" and respond vs react or let it go, or bless them they don't know what their impact is etc. And, I gotta tell you all that is easier said than done with some people. I work with this stuff and I help people to be aware of how their communication or actions are making people feel, but, with some people it just seems so difficult to get them to be more aware.
Even the littlest thing, the tone of voice can make me want to sometimes just punch them in the throat!
Now, I know, it is triggering something in my gut that is the real core of the issue. For me, it comes up for me, when I don't feel that I am being heard and it feels like the other person is trying to tell me how I should be feeling or thinking! The core of this issue is I have told myself the story that this other person doesn't feel that I have any experience, knowledge or even intuition about the situation.
Even sometimes, when I am just thinking out loud I need to preface my statements with "Not looking for input, just thinking out loud". This seems to be one of the issues of dealing with people that cause many misunderstandings! We attach what we think is the meaning of what someone says or does, and we think it is true, instead of asking what the intention behind the action or words is.
So, I am learning to slow down the process of my reaction, how do I do that?
Try out these ideas for yourself and see if it helps:
1. Breathe, most important to slow down my reaction to what they said or did.
2. Ask yourself, what is going on here with me?
3. Tell them, how what they said or did impacted you.
4. Ask them, was it their intention to have that impact?
5. If appropriate, help them see another way that might help with the impact they want to have.
And, getting back to wanting to punch them in the throat, I may still want to do that sometimes, but I am practicing the pause and slowing down the reaction!
Let me know if you can relate?
Hazel.